Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Only if You Poke Out Your Own Eye

Kindly he asks why. Sweetly she answers, then calmly he accepts and responds. Or so it should be.
What really happens when we see people who have conflict or conversely, have that love that is blind? How can love be blind? Does it only happen in the puppy love stage, when the relationship is new? What about in other types of relationships? Can love be blind, and if so, how can this be done? 

Some people may ask, "how can I be blind to the horribleness that is/comes from my spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend? What about even my mother/child/friend..." The list goes on. 

Let's start here with the significant others, for the sake of time.

The real situation might go somewhat like this:

She makes a decision he thinks is irrational or emotionally based, and he disapproves. He thinks he knows why she did it, and he will help her see why it's wrong. He asks her what she was thinking. She in return hears his disapproval, and feels he's hostile towards her. She answers that she doesn't know, even though had she not been thrown off guard and felt bad, she would have had an answer. He gets irritated at how she can't even explain what she was thinking, and proceeds to tell her what was wrong, why, and what she should do differently next time. She in return, feeling slighted, remarks on how rude he is, and how he never approves of her.  He says she exaggerates, that is absurd, and he's not going to start listening to this again. She gets upset and tells him to get away from her, and she angrily hisses at him some other additional words. 
Time goes by, and the instances are more constant and look all the same. Repeat situations with repeat outcomes, and pretty soon all she can see is how mean and insensitive he is, and all he sees is how angry and senseless she is. They both have two eyes, and they see clearly what's wrong with the other. Their love isn't blind, even if their eyes are partial to dark.

The situation might also go somewhat like this:

She makes a decision that he doesn't understand, and towards which he immediately feels aversion.
He then realizes he is with a woman he admires (admired), and in general makes very good decisions. He gives her the benefit of the doubt, and ask her why she decided that way. Before asking, he states that while he usually agrees with her decisions, this one has surprised him, and he's curious what reason she had behind this particular one. He asks her to tell her a little more about it.
She feels comfortable answering his questions, and he echoes back what he hears. While he may not agree or would not have come to the same conclusion or decision, he shows he understands her choice and what led to it. She asks what he thinks about it, and what he might have done. He tells her. She appreciates his honesty and even considers his opinion for next time. He feels his input has value. She feels loved.

Afterwards, he has no negative regard, and she doesn't feel angry.

They see the best in each other by choosing to stop looking at the negative, and see the better in the person they know the other person to be. Love can be blind, by choosing to poke out your own eye, if necessary (and not literally), so that you don't concentrate on the bad. You can have one eye for looking, but use the blind eye for seeing. You choose what to see, and focus on. And many times, that image doesn't take seeing. It takes belief.

Believe in the person you know that significant person in your life to be. Remind them of who they are. (This doesn't mean don't live in reality, but rather make choices to encourage change by focusing on the small areas that are possible, so that maybe they can do the same.)

Good luck. I hope we can all walk around partially-sighted, if that's what it takes to have balanced vision, feel loved, be loving, and encourage love.